Small Town Life
I decided to enjoy a frozen Margarita while walking Marco the Psychotically Needy Puppy. After walking just 10 feet from my front gate, a police car rolled up beside me. Crap.
Me: “Good evening, officer. Oh, hi, Steve [whose name has been changed to protect his identity]. I didn’t recognize you!”
Officer: “Hey, sweetie. How you doing? Is that a Margarita?”
Me: “Why, Steve, it’s just a cold, refreshing beverage!”
Officer: “Do you really expect me to believe that?”
Me: “Steve, we have an open container law that I love and respect.”
Officer: “[Snorting with laughter] Seriously, do you expect me to believe that?”
Me: “Let’s say, totally hypothetically, that I was sucking down tequila. Would you give me a citation for that?”
Officer: “Hell, no!”
Me.: “Oh, in that case, you want to come in and I’ll make you one?”
Officer: “I’m still on duty but get off in 45 minutes.”
Me: “Cool. We’re having spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. Want to join us?”
Officer: “See you in a few.”
I know that sometimes I whine about living here, but there are times when I love living in a small town.
Side note for those who keep trying to fix me up even though I’m not divorced yet. (You know who you are): Steve is just a friend and is married. I invited him to dinner because I knew his wife, who is a friend, is out of town on a conference and would appreciate me feeding him instead of letting him eat a heart-clogging plate of food at the Waffle House.
Me: “Good evening, officer. Oh, hi, Steve [whose name has been changed to protect his identity]. I didn’t recognize you!”
Officer: “Hey, sweetie. How you doing? Is that a Margarita?”
Me: “Why, Steve, it’s just a cold, refreshing beverage!”
Officer: “Do you really expect me to believe that?”
Me: “Steve, we have an open container law that I love and respect.”
Officer: “[Snorting with laughter] Seriously, do you expect me to believe that?”
Me: “Let’s say, totally hypothetically, that I was sucking down tequila. Would you give me a citation for that?”
Officer: “Hell, no!”
Me.: “Oh, in that case, you want to come in and I’ll make you one?”
Officer: “I’m still on duty but get off in 45 minutes.”
Me: “Cool. We’re having spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. Want to join us?”
Officer: “See you in a few.”
I know that sometimes I whine about living here, but there are times when I love living in a small town.
Side note for those who keep trying to fix me up even though I’m not divorced yet. (You know who you are): Steve is just a friend and is married. I invited him to dinner because I knew his wife, who is a friend, is out of town on a conference and would appreciate me feeding him instead of letting him eat a heart-clogging plate of food at the Waffle House.
Labels: small town life
posted by Peach Pod at 5:00 PM
6 Comments:
I really miss that small town stuff--I mean really small, like where I grew up (hundreds of people, not thousands)...there is something very comfortable about knowing folks, and being known....but be careful eating with those married men--even innocent stuff can be real "exciting" in a small town!
I know what you mean. I played it uber safe by making us eat on the front porch in plain view. It's the safest way to go since I live 150 feet from the village area and everyone can see what goes on at my house. I'm sure that there will be discussion about why a cop car was parked at my house ("Do you think she killed that good for nothing husband of hers, bless her heart?")
I loved this story! And I love that your comment ends with "bless her heart." We were just talking at work about how southerners can say anything they want and it's ok as long as you add, "bless her heart." My neighbor is a total moron! Bless his heart! That girl is a total tramp. Bless her heart!
Exactly! I taught the bless her heart thing to my friends when I lived in Michigan and it is now a running joke.
LOL! Totally hilarious!
1st of all I cannot imagine who you could be referring to about "fix-ups"(heh,heh)!You ole' small town 'Hussy'you(please remember I was raised there so lets try to keep it down..LOL :)!) Bless your heart.
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